When You Understand What Happened, But Your Body Still Reacts: How EMDR Therapy Can Help

A lot of the time, we can understand something about our past, like, why we react a certain way to a trigger, yet still find ourselves feeling as if whatever happened back then is still happening to us now.

You might know that your romantic relationship is safe, but still feel your nervous system go into overdrive when your partner becomes distant or when you feel a conflict or confrontation coming. You might know that you are no longer in the environment where something painful happened, but certain situations, bodily sensations, or interactions still leave you feeling overwhelmed, shut down, or on edge.

You may even find yourself thinking:

I know this. I've talked about it. Why am I still reacting this way?

This is one of the reasons I offer EMDR at Unda Counselling. I see it as a way of gently working with the body and the attachment wounds, difficult experiences, and painful memories that can continue to affect us, even when we understand them intellectually.

When knowing isn't enough

One phrase from a recent EMDR training I took has really stuck with me: “the body catches up last.”

Talk therapy can be incredibly valuable. Having space to understand your experiences, put words to what happened, and develop new ways of relating to yourself and others can create meaningful change.

But sometimes our experiences aren't held only as stories or memories that we can consciously think through.

They can also be held in the body and nervous system.

A past experience may have happened years ago, but something in the present can still activate the same feelings, sensations, beliefs, or protective responses. Your body may respond before your thinking brain has a chance to remind you, I'm safe now. This is different. Some call these situations “triggers”, I prefer to refer to them as “reminders” - because that is more accurate to what is going on. Something about that person, place, feeling, environment is reminding your system of something that maybe felt too much, too painful, or not fully processed in the past. 

This doesn't mean that you're broken or that you're failing to “move on.”

It can mean that some part of you is still responding to something that once mattered for your survival, safety, or connection.

What is EMDR Therapy?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (a mouthful, I know!). It is a structured, trauma-focused approach that can help the brain and nervous system process experiences that continue to feel emotionally or physically unresolved.

One part of EMDR involves bilateral (side-to-side) stimulation, which might include guided eye movements, alternating sounds, or tapping. While engaging in this process, you are invited to notice what comes up without having to deliberately retell every detail of the experience. We don’t have all the answers as to why this part of EMDR is useful, and it can seem strange or “woo-woo” at first. But scientifically, we can liken the bilateral stimulation to that of rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. This is when your brain processes information from the day, sorting through what gets stored where and how. EMDR uses that idea in the same way. 

Overall, the goal isn't to erase a memory or deny the fact that something really painful or scary happened.

Instead, EMDR can help the experience become something that happened then, rather than something your nervous system experiences as though it is happening now.

EMDR therapy can help a memory become less emotionally charged and disturbing to you. It also helps to shift the beliefs you may carry about yourself, such as moving from “I'm not safe” or “It was my fault” toward something more grounded and compassionate. 

You don't have to “just get over it”

There can be a lot of shame around still being affected by something that happened a long time ago.

You might think you should be over it by now.

But our nervous systems don't operate according to a timeline.

Sometimes what we need isn't to convince ourselves that something wasn't that bad. We need the opportunity to process what happened in a way that allows our present-day selves to experience more safety, choice, and perspective.

And sometimes the experiences we carry aren't what we would traditionally call “big trauma”, like a car crash, crime committed against you, or a major loss. Repeated experiences of rejection, criticism, instability, emotional disconnection, bullying, difficult relationships, or feeling like you had to constantly adapt yourself to stay connected can also shape the way you experience yourself and others.

EMDR at Unda Counselling

My approach to EMDR is grounded in the belief that you are more than the experiences that have happened to you.

I don't see EMDR as a technique that we simply apply to a person and expect a particular outcome. The relationship we build, your sense of safety, your readiness, and your ability to stay connected to yourself throughout the process all matter.

We move at a pace that makes sense for you.

That means we spend time building resources and developing a stronger sense of safety in your system before beginning reprocessing. Sometimes EMDR is integrated with other approaches throughout our work together, such as parts-work, working with defenses, and supporting nervous system regulation. 

The intention is not to force yourself through something difficult. EMDR can feel intense at times, and part of the work is learning how to stay connected to yourself while moving through difficult experiences.

Sometimes healing means gently turning toward what has been difficult to face, rather than continuing to move away from it. But we don't have to rush toward the hardest parts. This is why our therapeutic relationship, along with building resources and supporting your nervous system before and during reprocessing, is so important to me.

We work together to find a pace that feels manageable, so that you can move toward healing without becoming overwhelmed.

Could EMDR be right for you?

EMDR can be helpful for people working through traumatic or distressing experiences, anxiety, relationship patterns, shame, difficult memories, and other experiences that continue to affect how they feel, think, or respond in the present.

But you don't have to arrive knowing exactly what you need.

If you've found yourself thinking, “I understand why I do this, but I don't know how to actually change it,” that may be something worth exploring together.

At Unda Counselling, I offer EMDR as part of a relational, trauma-informed approach to therapy. We can begin with a conversation about what you're experiencing and what you're hoping might feel different.

You don't have to have the whole story figured out before you begin.